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“A 17-year-old dishwasher at a Buffalo, N.Y., suburban restaurant saved a woman from choking — the same woman who saved him with CPR years earlier.
More than six years ago, Kevin Stephan was serving as a batboy for his brother’s baseball team and accidentally got hit in the chest by a baseball bat and collapsed.
Penny Brown, an intensive-care nurse at Buffalo General Hospital, had been sitting in the stands and came running.
She said the boy was having a seizure and in cardiac arrest so she smacked him once on the chest, hard.
“It didn’t really work, so I started CPR,” she told the Buffalo (N.Y.) News.
During last month’s exam week, Stephan, a senior at Lancaster High School, was working an extra shift at the restaurant when Brown choked on her food.
The manager called Stephen, a Bowmansville volunteer firefighter, to assist. “I got behind her and started to do the Heimlich, and after two thrusts, the food came out into her hand,” he said.
Stephan’s mother, who happened to be in the restaurant, recognized Brown as the nurse who saved her son’s life on the baseball diamond.”

A funny way to mime Natalie Imbruglia’s song..

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says:
“The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars”.
“Why does the parrot cost so much?” the customer asks.
The owner says, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.”
The customer asks about the next parrot and is told “That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.”
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told “That one costs 2,000 dollars.”
Needless to say this begs the question “What can IT do?”
To which the owner replies “To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!”

”
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is famous for his ambitious promises, but he is unlikely to be called to task if he breaks his latest pledge: not to have sex before the April 9 general election.
At a party rally in Sardinia yesterday, the media tycoon received the blessing of television preacher Massimiliano Pusceddu, who thanked him for opposing gay marriage and defending family values.

“Thank you dear Father Massimiliano, I’ll try not to let you down and I promise you two and a half months of complete sexual abstinence until April 9,” Mr Berlusconi replied.

The twice-married Mr Berlusconi, 69, prides himself on his physical fitness and after a facelift and a hair transplant he looks younger now than he did when he swept to power in 2001.

He has often been criticised by commentators and feminist groups for his use of sexual innuendo and sexist jokes.

In June he sparked a diplomatic incident with Finland when he said he had used “playboy tactics” to persuade its woman president to give up a bid to site the European Union’s food agency in Helsinki rather than the Italian city of Parma.
”

From http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,17980347-13762,00.html

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

Rodney Dangerfield

I am amazed of how many dumbass burglers are out there…Police should just let them go, they wouldn’t be able to steal anything anyway
”
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.

The chain was left attached to the machine.
Their bumper still attached to the chain.
Their vehicle’s license plate still attached to the bumper.
”

Easy one for the Kentucky Police.

Attention! R rated picture due to explicit content

Maybe she just wanted to get some tan

“ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) - An alleged burglar was rescued Thursday after he got stuck overnight in the oven vent of the convenience store he was trying to rob, the fire department said.Investigators said Lonnie Shields, 37, climbed into a small vent on the roof of the New City Mart at about 2 a.m. and wasn’t found until store employees arrived at about 8 a.m.

Shields, who faces charges of burglary of a structure, was treated at a nearby hospital and booked into Orange County Jail on $1,000 bond.
”

from http://apnews.myway.com/article/20060203/D8FHB9AO0.html