Posted by A known fact from our experiences is that toast always lands butter side down. We also know that cats always land on their feet. Let’s start taking advantage of this!
Cats Anti-Gravity Device
A known fact from our experiences is that toast always lands butter side down. We also know that cats always land on their feet. Let’s start taking advantage of this!
Hey lasse
her er der en opskrift paa anti gravity
Jeg kan specielt godt lige det sidste billede med kraefterne paa
Andreas
HA HA HA!!! who thought of this, it’s really funny. ha ha ha
this idea was posted on the halfbakery.com. It’s a multiple or someone’s a copycat.
What if you biogenetically fused 2 cats together by their backs? What would happen then?
hahaha that is really funny, great arithmatic (sort of) lol
Hahaha…funny, your just making fun of how bad i do in math class =( That is very hurtful!!! But funny….lol
actually jack wouldnt be easier to just glue to pieces of buttered toast together instead of cats?
@armoth
No, cos then both sides of toast are butter side. That way, it would not matter which side lands because it’s always the butter side.
Yeah, the problem here is if the cat lands on its feet, the toast still hasn’t hit the ground. A really simple solution is to not butter the toast, it should levitate.
A student at the college i’m going to made a video about this. It was called “perpetual motion” and used toast with jelly instead of butter. It made the point that the only thing that would stop it is the toast falling off, but that this could be fixed by just spreading the jelly directly to the cat’s back.
Here’s the story about it and a link to download the video if anyone wants it. It’s really funny.
http://www.rit.edu/success.php3?s=43
but the article doesnt detail the real trick
see, the cat, with buttered toast on its back (buttered side facing up, of course) will always have a tendency to barrel-roll over clockwise or counterclockwise, so that the buttered side of the toast does indeed face down (toward the floor)
the cat will have to use it’s tail to maintain its upright position while in air – much like a gerbil or squirrel uses its tail for balance.
which i would imagine would be quite tiring for a prolonged trip
however, the ability to sneak up on birds while they are in flight would make the effort more than worthwhile đŸ™‚
This joke was on the internet over 15 years ago, which is about 200 years in internet time, and before that it supposedly came from a “reader idea” contest in Omni Magazine.
That is completely ridiculous. The cat force is much stronger than the toast force.
Now, if you duct tape 2 cats back to back you create a much more powerful device. Not only does it strongly repel the ground, it can quickly become deadly.
During recent testing the chamber was almost destroyed and one assistant lost most of the skin from his left arm while trying to separate them in a motion called tickling the lion’s tail. It was a horrible site.
The first time I ready this joke is over a decade ago in a copy of “The Journal of Irreproducible Results”
My question is some claiming this as original?
Yes it’s funny, but plagarism isn’t.
Ask Carlos.
This site will be shut down immediately. These are national security secrets.
End transmission…
Cats don’t always land on their feet.
i am impressed at how the cat changes colour when it begins antigravity
makes sense to me :\
won’t the butter side and cat’s feet side both be attracted to the ground? shouldn’t the toast’s polarity as well as that of the cat be reversed before anti-gravity effect is achieved?
to james:
QUIT TRYING TO SOUND LIKE A SMART PERSON!!!!!!
and no, between the two polarities, the cat would become suspended in an anti-gravitational state.
(polarities, to all you not-so-smart people, is a magnetic or gravitational pull)
oh yes !cat is the best……..
james is right though you know… with both forces acting away from the ground maximum antigravity can be achieved
Hmm… I don’t know about perpetual motion, what heppens when the cat dies? a Dead cat doesn’t always land on its feet.
What you need to do here is use the “Schroedinger’s Cat” theory, leave the cat in a sealed box and do not open it. Because the cat has no contact with the outside world, and the outside world has no contact with it, no-one will know whether the cat is alive or dead (and you can’t open the box to find out). Therefore (in theory :P), the cat will remain in a state neither alive or dead until the box is opened, and will remain spinning perpetually in the centre of the box. Infinite Free energy!
This is a neat spin on cat anti-grav topic. The idea in one form another has gone on for sometime having had a pretty good run on the Art Bell forum some years back. Don’t recall this particular suggestion. Nice.
More like a perpetual motion machine; it wouldn’t know which way to land!
in the absence of air they may fall the same time
What is the big deal about where someone got the idea? As I pointed out this discussion went about the Art Bell forum years ago. It is just a funny idea and this is just a very interesting spin. It also reduces the damage done to cats in testing as this method requires only one cat.
I think if we sealed the cat attached to the buttered toast in a box a new prime mover could be developed.
people.. people.. people….
really, the poor cats! shame man! let us rather slap some jam on the face of an idiot, shove him over the side of a balcony and prepare to laugh….
This secret, whether pirated or not, has already been discovered by extra-terrestrials for centuries already, as has a second method for propulsion through an accident of bistro-mathmatics. The humming, often heard preceeding or during a close encounter of some kind, is actually two dozen or more purring tabbies that have been affixed to the bottom of the spacecraft and then placed into a form of stasis that prevents their need for sustenance.
The second form of propulsion is the Tide-Sauce Paradox, where by affixing innumerable white shirts across the hull of the ship, and then expelling spaghetti sauce from a nozzle along the outside of the ship, it moves forward towards the sauce, as all sauce and white shirts will be forced to meet. To instantly reverse course, expelling Tide laundry detergent from the same nozzel will force the sauce away from the shirts, and therefore effectively changing direction.
Why The Hell Are You All Gettin So Scientific About It, Its A Little Joke Doesnt Need A Explanation Does It Really. God, Get Over It. I Think Its Quite Funny. HaHa x
Why The Hell Are You Gettin So Scientific About It!? Its A Laugh For God Sake, Dont Need People To Get So Serious About It… I Think Its Quite Funny To Be Honest. HaHaHaHaha …
xXx
I have come up with a theory. Moments Before hitting the ground the toast will combust. Within the smoke particles there will also be “buttered toast particles.” These particles will be much too large to rise into the air, so they will sink at a rate faster than 9.81m/s (the rate at which cats fall). The toast wil then reform at the same level of the cats feet butter side down. The fall rates will reach the point at which they drop at exactly the same speed and spontaneously make contact with the earth in a pleasent arch of warm blood from the cats ears. As the body cripples to the ground it will squish the already misformed toast squishing it into the pavement rendering it unusable.
Some unscientific suggestions for dealing with this problem:
A. Install small side rails on your table.
B. Staple or nail toast to your table.
C. Eliminate butter—eat “dry-white-toast-a-la-Elwood” named for one of
the Blues Brothers.
D. Or, Leave the buttered toast on the floor for the cat to lick and take the
family to a restaurant for breakfast. If the scenario is repeated there,
(Butterfingers!) summon the waitress (who has a hangover, a black
eye and a bad attitude) and ask her to pick up the toast, return it to
the kitchen and replace it. At this time, on her way she wipes the
toast off on her apron, licks it several times and brings it back to you.
Realizing what has happened, you can get even by:
a. LOUDLY telling her you are a health inspector and you’re closing
the restaurant down.
b. Or, QUIETLY leaving her a nice tip–a $5.00 bill, buttered on
the underside–stuck to the table! This proves there’s more
than one way to skin a catty waitress!!!
Maybe we should just butter the waitress?
Now, back to the subject. In recent studies leading to our actual test we have discovered that cats object to being glued, stapled, or otherwise joined either together or with toast. Their objections are loud enough to cause the neighbors to summon legal assistance, the cops. It seems there are laws about attaching cats either together or to toast buttered, jammed or jellied. This presents a huge obstacle to our research. For this reason we are exploring the use of other animals. Any suggests in this regard will be subject to further testing.
May I direct your attention to http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Cat_toast_device where this expirement is continued further.
This device functions based on Murphy’s law (If something can go wrong, it will; the reason toast lands butter-side down), but according to Murphy’s law, the machine might not work, therefore it will not work.
Likewise the universe might implode within the next 10 seconds, therefore it will.
n00b thanks for the link to this rather complete discussion of the cat toast idea. However the information on this site fails to cover ongoing research by myself and others which may produce some promising results.
Regarding the universe imploding in 10 seconds: it didn’t happen.
It is always a struggle to overcome the restrictions of Murphy’s law thus we must look beyond this and seek solutions in modern physics which allows for almost anything to happen.
ill eat the toast lol
Just a thought: If a cat with buttered toast strapped to its back falls from a tree in the forest and no one is present, is there any sound? And what if the tree falls on the cat, getting butter on its bark? Still, is there or is there not
sound? There are no dogs present, they are elsewhere barking up the wrong tree. And if no one is there to hear them barking—and so on!!! But I digress
Back to the cat scenario. If the tree was a yew, did the cat mew? Were any of its nine lives lost or did curiosity kill it? Inquiring minds may not want to know the answers to these perplexing questions, but the writer would be pleased to know if this comment produced any sounds, i.e. chuckles or groans! (no cats, dogs, trees or buttered toast were harmed in the composition of this thought-provoking, or merely provoking, treatise!)
what……
Exactly! We must try to stay within the bounds of reason here. Clearly if a cat with buttered toast stuck to its back fell from a tree in the forest it would make no more sounds than one falling from a rooftop regardless of the audience. The fact that the dogs were there to bark implies that someone was there to hear them even if they listened with dog ears.
Now, in order to avoid harming any cats to get fit subjects for an extension of our ongoing efforts, we are looking for three legged cats. It would seem that these might provide a degree of imbalance that would not only produce the spinning antigrav results as predicted but also a degree of controllable motion in a plane 90% to the pull of gravity.
Adding in the effects of dark matter and dark energy are soon to be explored areas once, of course, someone can explain just what this stuff is.
Esther, Here I thought I had it all figured out!!! So, James,—what?
Hey, dudes, remember me? I’m the alien that came to earth and had a TV show awhile back! It totally blew my cover!!! I was incognito as a cross be-tween an armodillo and an orangutan!!! Carrot Top is wearing part of my old suit today! Oh well, that’s show biz!—–So anyway, my suggestion as to the cat and buttered toast broughhaha is this: THROW THE BUTTERED TOAST
AWAY AND EAT THE CAT!!! That’s right, EAT THE CAT—CIAO!
ALF I think I met you at a Star Trek Convention.
Anne B, not saying you are on the wrong track just that you might be exploring an area that is something of a distraction. We are most concerned here with providing a useful energy source from a renewable resource.
This has been greatly complicated as our efforts to obtain research funding has been blocked by the dog lobby. We shall however press on and plan to resume practical testing as soon as willing subjects and a site away from complaining neighbors can be located.
I am awstruck by your scientific expertise and your ongoing efforts to continue
this important reaserch project! You’re right, I’ve been on the wrong track and want to join forces in obtaining more funding for the cat-buttered toast
investigation. In keeping with that I decided to infiltrate a meeting of the dog
lobbyists to sniff out their plans!
I digress, but I eavesdropped on the following conversation between two ladies which I think might amuse you:—————————————–
“We have a teacup poodle.
A Shih-tzu lives next door.
They did the diddle-doodle,
And had one progenator!
Should we call him Tzu-poo?
Or Shih-tze? He’s a doll!
I think we’ll call him Shitz-poo!
It’s so cute, and don’t they all?
So anyway, I tried to voice an opinion but there was a lot of cat-calling and
as I was escorted out the door they were shouting “Who let the dogs out?
Don’t let the cats in!” I took it personally!
Looking forward to hearing from you about further developments and how I can be of assistance, James.———————————————-Anne B.
P.S. I think I saw you (and Alf) at the same Star Trek convention! Weren’t you the Klingon who was talking to the Shape Shifter? Or was it the other way around? I had a lot of trouble dressed as a Tribble! I was probably too short and furry for you to have noticed me.
Anne B. Schamell I certainly remember a Tribble. Was that you? Klingon, no, but I do recall this shape shifter who kept trying impersonate me. I usually go as Harlan Ellison even though I am much too tall, but isn’t everyone.
Some progress on the funding issue they everyone will find interesting. Two candidates for a very high office who have asked not to have their names used have indicated they might support such research though they have expressed concern about the dog lobby. As a compromise I am working on plans to include dogs in the program. It seems they might prove motivating when getting the cats out planes when higher altitude tests are conducted. Also they might prove themselves in recovery operations.
Also was able to work an agreement with some of the people from PETA. It seems if we use cats rescued from lab experiments they will have no objections. This will resolve of the complications of obtaining suitable subjects as I can hire a few thugs to break into testing labs instead of raising the animals or using the local shelters.
JAMES! This “Thing of Ours” (but perhaps I shouldn’t use that phrase because of its association with a certain “Italian Social Group”) But. anyway
It’s given me a new purpose in life—so I hurriedly prepared my answer to your last comment in advance. I may add an addenda at the enda. So anyway, I read about a laboratory at someplace called M.I.T. where some Noble Prize winners were working on the same project. They must have got wind about your idea to use other animals, i.e.—a seal that just balanced the
toast on his nose, a monkey that wanted to do it with bananas, a toucan that flew out the window with the toast in its beak, and a squirrel and a moose
(from that movie called “Rocky”, I think) Finally, (in keeping with your idea)
they recruited a senior DOG from the dog lobby—but he only wanted to impress them with his latest accomplishment. His owner said of him:
“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,
He nibbles and scratches and licks,
But yet, I’ll be durned,
The old fellow has learned,
To use TWEEZERS to pull out his ticks!”
So, anyway, I know you are earnestly commited to your own attempts to
solve this thing and you’re probably impatient with my inability to focus—
but, anyway I have good intentions and a willing spirit. There’s nothing I
wouldn’t or (maybe shouldn’t) do to help. By the way, are the unnamed candidates who want to help B.O’B and H.C., or are they G.O.P.? Oh yes,
and cats on planes—brilliant—much better than snakes! I am a PETA supporter too! Please, may I be a member of the team that “visits” the test-
ing labs??? I have a black leotard, a Halloween mask and a grappling hook if we need it???
Looking forward to your next communication and possibly an assignment!!!
A.B.S.
I don’t know if this is just a P.S. or the promised addenda but, anyway:
I made the mistake of revealing my AKA real name last time so someone suggested I look into the Witless Protection Program—you know, to avoid stockers, etc. I noticed a James Yearwood earlier in the comments—is that
you? If you have the same concerns as I do I can e-mail you some W.P.P.
pamphlets. I hope I can get another AKA name and location soon!
P.S. (I guess): I had trouble dribbling as a tribble. The punch bowl was too
high and when a friendly Vulcan got me a cup, he overfilled it—anyway, you
know the rest. What does Harlen Ellison have to do with Star Trek. anyway?
Another P.S. JAMES: I don’t like the way my initials looked—you know—
A.B.S. I certainly don’t think I’m “A B— S—ter!!!” I may be naive and un-
informed but I certainly do not sink to the level of a “pasture pattie!!!” So,
anyway, I think I’ll go back to Anne B. or at least until I get my new AKA name.
I kind of like Ann O’Nymous—I’m Irish, anyway!
JAMES: The above P.S. was at the END OF MY LAST COMMENT TO YOU!!!
In other words, IT should have been number 47 and the above one should have been 48!!! So, anyway, they left it out—is it somewhere in cyberspace?
Is there someplace I can complain??? It was pretty long—is there a limit to length? I’ve heard the President is eavesdropping on the communications of ordinary citizens!!! I did not say anything to connect me with any terrorists
and I certainly do not have any weapons of mass destruction—unless you
consider a couple of paring knives and a meat cleaver dangerous!!! So, any-
way, can you help me solve the mystery of the missing missive???
Anne B.
Regarding the previous posting by by a James Y. I have already been cautioned by the dark suited members of my personal guard to refrain from such identity revealing slips.
As I said, the candidates wish not to have their names mentioned in connection with any particular science related project related to my name. Can’t see how that can hurt them, but you know how much trouble it is to pin these people down.
“The City on the Edge of Forever” was written by Harlan Ellison though apparently heavily written. That was episode #28. Though Harlan probably wouldn’t need that excuse for people to pretend to be him at a Star Trek convention.
Progress towards testings has been delayed. Several issues that require clarification have caused our legal department to demand precautions before testing. The FFA has requested we study the potential effects of the sight of spinning cats in the sky on cows. FAF wants reports before we take our stock public–I didn’t know we planned to do so. The FAA says we aren’t dropping anything out of planes. A mistake was made here when someone pointed out that skydivers do it all the time. The FAA rep seemed surprised to learn about this, but later we received word that if our cats were certified sky drivers it would be OK.
The latter has caused a search for new candidates for testing as a quick pole of the neighborhood cats produced too few qualified skydivers.
Which brings to mind the mess with the AAFP.